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Getting The Conversation Started
Getting that first e-mail conversation started can be very
scary, but it need not be. After all, everyone else on the
online dating site is there to meet people, too, so they are
more than likely going to be open to receiving a message
from you. The trick is to write a message that will catch
his or her attention and to be brave enough to send it out.
What to put in the first message
The first message you send to a potential match should be
clear, concise, and friendly. Never write a huge long
e-mail because that is a sure way to bore someone silly and
have your message end up in the delete file.
Start with a friendly greeting that uses the person’s screen
name. This is much more personal than just a generic
“hello” and is the best way to open up the message. Let the
person know why you are interested by commenting on
something about their profile that made them stand out to
you. This shows that you were actually paying attention
while reading the profile and that you took the time to
write about it in your message.
Keep it simple
Do not allow yourself to get too carried away in the first
message. It is good to be enthusiastic, but it is not good
to be so over the top that you seem insincere, immature, or
pushy. Be pleasant, be straightforward, and for heaven’s
sake be yourself. This is not the time to try your hand at
fancy literary prose, it is the time to write as you
normally would to any other friend.
Use a conversational tone, but do not allow yourself to
lapse into e-mail or instant message acronyms or jargon.
This will appear too casual to most readers and will make it
seem as if you did not take the time to compose a thoughtful
e-mail message. If you have any doubt about whether your
message is conversational enough, try reading it aloud. If
it sounds the way you would normally talk then you are right
on target, but if it sounds too formal or not at all like
you would normally talk then go back and make some changes.
Get rid of the cute stuff
If you typically use emoticons (those little smiley faces)
when you write e-mail messages to your friends, make every
effort to stop yourself from doing so in your first message
to an online dating contact. Such things are tacky and
overused, and generally come off as too cute or silly.
The same is true of exclamation points. If you must use one
in your message, limit yourself to just one. Using two or
more together, or more than one in the entire message, is
overkill and does not add to the appeal of your message. If
you have any doubt about something you want to include being
too cute or childish, it is far safer to leave it out.
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