Write Better E-Mails, Get Better Responses

If you have been using an online dating service for a while and are finding you just are not getting very many responses to your e-mails, perhaps it is time to take a second look at the e-mails you write.  There may be something about them that puts others off or otherwise is keeping them from generating positive responses.

Polite and friendly

Of course your e-mails should be polite and friendly, but how do you go about making sure they really are perceived that way?  A good first step is to share a copy of one of your e-mails with a trusted friend and ask for candid feedback.  Maybe there is something in there that seems okay to you when you read it aloud, but comes across poorly when viewed in written form without the benefit of your tone and inflection.

Does your e-mail open with a personal greeting?  Some people use a generic greeting like ‘hi’, but it is more personal and more polite to use a greeting that includes the person’s screen name.  Think about how much nicer it is to receive a message that is addressed to you personally rather than the online equivalent of ‘dear sir or madam’, and you will understand why the right greeting can make a difference

Customize the message

Does your e-mail read like a form letter that you send to all potential matches?  Or is it a unique, customized message that you wrote just for that person?  Believe it or not, the tone and sincerity of a customized message are often quite noticeable to a recipient, while a lack of the same is also painfully apparent.

Write a specific message for each specific person you want to contact.  Include something in the message that shows you have actually read their profile and there was something about it that caught your eye.  Maybe you have a similar hobby, or enjoy similar activities, or perhaps that person has done something special that you admire.  Whatever it is, comment on it in your message and you are much more likely to generate a response.

What was it that made the profile stand out or seem interesting to you?  Put that in the first e-mail because it shows that you actually read the profile and were paying attention to what was in it.

The simpler the better

Keep your message simple, concise and to the point.  There is no need for a long e-mail, just a clear message that is sincere and friendly.  A message that is too long and rambling will actually work against you in most cases, so a good rule of thumb is to limit your message to no more than two paragraphs.  Any longer and you risk losing the interest of the very person whose interest you are trying to attract.

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